Images from our Laylow Hotel Staycation in Waikiki, Oahu Hawaii. We celebrated my birthday last month in town pool side, soaking up local eateries and playing around with some old, imperfect Ektar film. I couldn’t feel more blessed that this is our life and I get to see another year.
But to dive a little deeper, I’ve been struggling so much with my purpose since we’ve been here. My business isn’t flourishing the way I expected it to, despite all the work I put in to become the artist I wanted to be and for the first time feeling so content and fulfilled with my work.
I’ve prayed and prayed for God to guide my steps and bring me clients so that I felt like I had a purpose and so that I could contribute to providing for our family.
And he’s answered those provisions — not how I had in mind, pulling equal weight like I’ve been used to and being the girl who wears all the hats and doing it all. No, instead my husband has landed two promotions in the last few months (go Drew!) and I’ve been commanded to rest and nurture what’s inside of our home.
I’ve had cancelled sessions and fewer inquiries. I’ve been more sick with this pregnancy than the other 3 combined. I got the ‘vid when I started feeling a bit less nauseous and was drained of my energy. Now, we’re within counting range of weeks until my due date. And then, I’ll be postpartum and figuring out life with four babies.
But I look back on the 5 months we’ve been here and I’m astonished at the growth. The way God is refining my rough edges quicker than ever. Challenging me to love in the ways that are hardest, in my home through the day in and day out, mundane type work. And showing me how to nourish new friendships because they’re all I have out here for community.
From the girl who never went away to college, who went straight from living at home to having my own family living there too, and moving out surrounded by people to take care of, but always being right down the road.. (I miss our family, and I know us being gone has been hard on all of you – not discrediting that, because equally so on our end!) but I know in hindsight how necessary this season is for me and for us. To figure out who I am, our unique family values, how to really mother and be depended on.
But as the girl who walked towards my accomplishments with an extra baby on each hip at the end of each year of college, who waddled into most of my classes with a growing bump, who brought an extra bookbag with a breast pump and cooler for my milk to take home to my babies… That season made me feel like I could do anything. And I expected to do it all.
The perfect big family, all my crunchy values AND success measured by the way of the world all by a impressively young age.
I’m so proud of where I’m at, newly 25. All I’ve done in the last handful of years, all that Drew and I are doing together. But it’s taken a lot of prayer lately to be content with it all – with what we’ve been given and what God is allowing here and now.
“As a Christian mother I must remember:
My time to invest is short.
My life is on display before my children every day.
My words can have an astounding impact.
My work is important, beautiful, and world changing.
God’s grace is more than enough to strengthen and sustain me.“
It’s silly how hard this circulating Instagram reel hit me, paired with the exact words my heart needed in my Bible study this week. But it’s not coincidence. It’s what God has intended for me to hear all along while he prepared my heart to actually listen.
It’s abundantly clear to me my MAIN purpose and my role right now is motherhood. And everything beyond that is overflowing joy.
Thank you Jesus, for calling me to such a big purpose here and now. I know I have so much of my adult life ahead of me and that this is just a season, but perhaps the most important one I’ll get to walk through.
Lord help me to be content every hour of every day, right here and right now ❤️
Oahu, Hawaii Photographer | The Laylow Autograph Hotel by Marriot in Waikiki, Hawaii | Photos on Pentax 645nii and Kodak Ektar/Portra 400, scanned by theFINDlab.